Too Much To All Take In

The Story

My disclaimer:
Idealy I would like to combine my stories and reflections but I lack the time, and most likely the skill, to create a narrative that successfully communicates both. I wish I could devote more time to comprehensively sharing my thoughts and feelings from travel but it is difficult for me to find time to formulate these before I reach a computer. Often these blogs are unedited and consist of a single flow of thoughts. In some ways I like the fact that I am able to share these stream of thoughts without tempering with them, it reveals my many faults as a writer thus reminding the reader of the consistent fallibility of the individual and to constantly remember that anyone's writing is just the tip of the iceberg. On the other hand, I am rather ashamed to not take the responsbility to appropriately take more time to consider what I am sharing. Sometimes I even wonder if it is worth sharing my thoughts because it attempts to simplify and generalize my experience which perhaps even limits it for myself. So it not only deceives the reader but also myself. But thats how it goes.

After staying the night at the farmers house, we traveled down to the south of the north island, to Cape Palliser. It was one of the most amazing environments I have ever expereiced, if I had my journal near me I would share the poem I wrote while there. It felt like the end of the world: the turbulent turquoise sea, jagged lava rock colliding with the ocean, the strongest winds I have ever felt, towering hills bordering the ocean, sparse little settlements that seemed uninhabitated, and a cloud layer in the distance as to prevent any vision of the outer sea. There were seals all over the coast line, one baby seal actually hopped up the rocks and sat right next to us within about 1 meter lengths from outstretched hands. I almost stepped on a baby seal as I was exploring the region - the mother was quick to stare me down though and I back away as a shameful cowardess.

We moved on to Wellington where we stayed with some college students that my german friend met while traveling in australia. As the many students had just finished their first year of college, they inspired us to join in the evening celebrations, quite the festivities I must say. Our day time was spent attempting to sober up for the next big night and explore the town in somewhat of a daze. I am often not prone to enjoy such elaborte celebrations and after a few days of so much partying was quite ready to move on - overall though it was quite fun as well as rather stimulating to be with such youthful spirits (not too mention a relief of realization I have matured enough to have no interest in living my life from one party to the next). Our dutch friend, Karin, departed north while my german friend, Lukas, and myself travelled to the south island. We have both missed Karin, she always had a smile on her face, was always ready to laugh at herself for some of her ridiculous actions, and had such a kind spirit towards the world. She will be missed.

The last several days have been spent sleeping in the car after long days of driving through the south island and hiking to the nearest panoramas. It is quite comfortable and cheap to sleep in the car, so it seems as though we might start a pattern of two nights in the car, one night in a hostel. We have seen some amazing landscapes all throughout the south island. Two days ago we saw two massive glaciers situated in the back of mountain valleys. Tomorrow I will be attempting the second largest bungee jump in the world 440 feet - rather exciting I must say. It has been a great joy to travel with my german friend, we get along on many levels and have similar travel interests. Last night we intended to stay in a hostel but it had closed. Having not showered or shaved for several days, we decided to sneak in to take a shower and shave and then made an exciting get away and slept in the car in the town of lake wanaka where we will be situated for about two days.

The Reflection

How does one attempt to approach consistent beauty? The south island has been full of so many diverse environments from galciers, to tropical beaches, snow caped mountain ranges, torquise rivers, peaceful grass valleys, and vast lakes bordered by rocky mountains. Part of me wants to sit in each beautiful location for several hours, just taking it all in, burning it into my memory, and savoring the moment. Another side of me has almost become used to consistently seeing so many gorgeous landscapes and is ready to pass on to the next beautiful location around the corner. How should one approach beauty? Is it to be appreciated only in the moment or constantly remembered? So much of me wants to take these visions with me but obviously the camera does little to capture the feeling of being enraptured by nature.

What role should memory play in our lives? Does memory only detrack from living in the moment? Does it work on automatic or must it be cultivated daily? How often should I immerse myself in the past or is it of little value because it can only become a distraction. Memory obviously forms who we are today but in what ways does it change according to refleciton?

I am consistently moved to embrace an outlook of spiritualistic pluralism as each new encounter seems to teach me about the inability for humans to create an objective perspective. This time of travel has helped me to live from moment to moment because that is all that is existing and real to me. I am moving further away from viewing things as one way or another, good and bad, wrong and right, beautiful and ugly - these binary oppositions seem to be attempts at proclaiming our "great understanding" of the nature while all the while we are so scared shitless of the unknown we hold on to the first "rational" thought that is proclaimed. Everything consists of everything depending on how you look at it and how you look at it is dependent upon what you have come to know. It may seem hopeless to some yet it is inspiring to me. I am trying to no longer worry about disagreeing with people, with attempting to be "right" or "rational", or trying to make "good" choices. I am reminded of the boat keeper in Hesse's novel Sidartha. He was so patient, quiet, ready to listen and learn, and embrace the lessons cultivated within that can be developed through time spent in the quite of nature and in the joy of human interaction.

...but perhaps I have it all wrong, no, actually, it may better be stated I do have it all wrong and that is what may make it all right for my perspective. By recognizing my perspective and value system are limited, I am able to embrace that which precedes my current beliefs in a greater form of truth. I hope to better learn how love is encorporated with learning and with experience, this will be perhaps my next contemplation.

I don't know if more than a few people are reading this but my heart is with those whom I have known over the years and I do appreciate all the lessons others have shared with me.

may we recognize there is a God with us,
Karl